More Trouble Than its Worth
by PancakesAndGilbird
Summary: In exchange for SHIELD not poking around his suit Tony has to teach Thor and Steve how to use the internet so they are up-to-date with modern life. Tony could swear that Jarvis and Bruce were laughing at him...


**This was a request from an anon on Tumblr for Tony teaching Thor and Steve how to use the internet. :D**

**It was fun and I could have made it a little more serious, but what harm is there in crack? **

**Leave a review if you enjoyed it and you can leave a prompt in my ask box if you like ^^**

**My url is on my page :)**

"I swear, one day I'm going to take out Fury's other eye."

Bruce gave Tony a polite laugh as he sorted through the paper scattered around the lab. For a guy who was constantly wary of having his inventions leaked to the public he didn't do a good job of filing everything away in the proper locked cabinets. Tony swivelled in his chair as he took another sip of scotch.

"You know what he wants me to do?"

Bruce opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted.

"He wants me to teach Thor and Cappy how to use the _Internet._"

Bruce looked up from the papers to look at Tony in genuine surprise.

"Well I don't envy you on that."

Tony nodded.

"Right? It's not as if I have better things to do than teach a Viking and an old man how to work a laptop."

"You did say you'd help bring them up-to-date in exchange for them not coming in to examine your suit."

There was silence from Tony's chair as he stared at his friend.

"Jarvis, tell Bruce he's not allowed to work in the lab anymore."

"Sorry sir but he does have a point. I could play a recording of the conversation if you would like."

Tony glared into his glass.

"You've turned him against me."

Bruce smiled then nudged his friend on the shoulder.

"If you teach them now it'll get it out of the way."

With a dramatic swirl of his scotch he groaned.

"Fine. I'll teach Thor first – I have a feeling Steve will make me regret this."

"Click the mouse over the weird looking fox."

Tony held in his breath, counting to ten, as he watched Thor stare at the screen with a blank expression.

"I do not see either of the animals to which you speak of."

"No- look."

He took the mouse from Thor's hand and pointed to it.

" _This,_ is called a mouse. It's got nothing to do with an actual mouse." He then pointed to the top left the screen. "This is the fox. It will take you to the Internet."

Thor narrowed his eyes in thought but then smiled broadly.

"So by using this impostor mouse I am able to alert the fox that I wish to access the 'Internet'!"

Tony's left eyebrow twitched.

"Yes. That's exactly how it works."

Looking quite pleased with himself he clicked the fox.

Tony made a mental note to restock the liquor cabinet.

It was around three in the morning when Tony decided Thor was competent enough to be left alone with the laptop. His last victory that night had been setting Thor up an email account and adding his contacts, and introducing him to Youtube where he could keep up with the 'strangely addictive Midgardian music'.

Just as he was about to eat his very late midnight snack of half a blueberry muffin and brandy he heard a small knock on the kitchen door. He groaned and called for whomever it was to come in. When he saw it was Thor he barely managed to contain his anguish.

"What is it? Did you accidentally manage turn it off again?"

He was taken aback when Thor took him in his arms for a bone crushing hug.

"What the-"

"It is alright friend." He muffled into his shoulder. " You need to know that I and the rest of the team think you are good as you are. You have no need of these genitalia pumps or pills. Any woman of Asgard would fall over themselves to lay with you."

"That goes without saying, but what are you talking about?"

Thor unleashed him from his arms and instead rested his hands on each of his shoulders.

"The Internet alerted me to an email you sent me regarding your happiness now you had discovered several items to increase your appendage, and that I should check it out too. I know you want to help fellow friends but I trust in you that I am well in that area. However if you would like some natural remedies to help you with your problem Asgard has some wonderful-"

Tony put up his hands.

"Thor stop. That was Spam it wasn't from me it was just a virus."

"I do not understand."

Tony held his head in his hands.

"Some people…steal people's identities on the Internet and send fake emails so their friends get the virus too, and the cycle continues."

Thor scoffed sympathetically.

"You do not appear ill Stark. I may be new to this Internet but I know when someone is embarrassed and lying."

Tony gritted his teeth until Thor left the kitchen.

"I'll have you know THAT I'M ABOVE. AVERAGE."

Tony was dreading having to teach Steve when he woke up the next morning. Jarvis had wasted no time in telling him that Steve would be waiting in the main living area for him in the afternoon for his lesson – Tony suspected he heard glee in his voice.

When the afternoon came around and he helped Steve with the very basics of the laptop he was surprised to find that he picked it up fairly quickly. Although comparing the progress to Thor yesterday probably had something to with it.

Tony's relief was short lived when he discovered something that was even more annoying than Thor's slow uptake and misunderstandings regarding Spam.

Steve was a lover of cute things, and Youtube was his heaven.

"Tony you've got to see this video!" Steve laughed.

Tony imagined Fury in a lion pit before answering.

"No."

"Come on! It's funny! It's a bear, _waving. _Last one I promise."

"You said that 5 minutes ago."

"…Okay." Steve mumbled.

Tony left if for all about 20 seconds before giving up and taking the seat next to Steve.

He was less annoying when he couldn't stand me.

"Tony! You've got to see this puppy!"

Tony was just considering suiting up and beaming him right in the chest when he had an idea.

He slinked over and took the laptop off Steve's lap, and before he could protest he clicked another video.

"Never mind that you should see this cute baby. You've got to watch its face it's really cute."

Tony shoved the laptop back on Steve's lap and walked away quickly. When he got into the hallway he doubled over laughing as a loud scream echoed throughout Stark Tower, followed by the thud of a laptop hitting the floor.

Of course the next time Steve saw him he punched him in the face for ruining the Internet.

When Thor escorted Pepper into his office the next evening he wasted no time in asking if the bruising on his cheek was a side effect of the penis pills.

"I'm never doing anything for anyone ever again…"


End file.
